TOURIST SPOTS
Dining Bars, Coffee houses, Debating events. The annual Velangana festival is a major crowd puller which includes famous events such as the Annual Debate on India’s future, Debate on the Economic structure, the essay event on Sociology etc.

NOTABLE PERSONALITIES:
Baraka Dutt, Vir SanghB, Barundhati Roy among others.

ECONOMY:
Runs by itself.

IMPORTS/EXPORTS:
Nothing, seriously, NOTHING. MUNNA PRADESH
Crimelord/MP/Sugarcane Smuggler Manoj ‘Munna’ Pande already effectively ‘ruled’ this region. Granting it statehood was just a matter of making it official. Munna Pradesh consists of Munna Pande’s house, his 1000 acre kitchen garden, his various godowns and gambling dens and the Smt Mamta Pande Memorial High School. Munna Pande himself lives in Mauritius, but he has been known to talk about his state with fondness.

TOURIST ATTRACTIONS
Disneyland Munna (Pvt Property No Outsiders Allowed)

Notable Personalities
Munna Pande

ECONOMY
Runs on Munna Pande’s earnings from his smuggling money plus party funds.

IMPORTS/EXPORTS:
Shot Glasses, Shot Guns. NORTH INDIAN ALPHA MALE SANCTUARY
This is sort of a compromise between two opposing special interest groups one who wanted to make the area into a Wildlife preserve to keep this fascinating species in their natural habitat, and the other group which wanted to take a flamethrower to the whole bunch. The North Indian Alpha Male Sanctuary is a home to adult males who show signs of
- Motorcycle ownership
- Bandana wearing
- Crotch scratching in a public space
- Violent curiosity in things they are
in no way related to.
All at the same time.

TOURIST SPOTS
The various car-bars, the off- beat clothing stores, car music system, sticker and modifying shops, Thekas.  The eve teasing season is the best time to visit the state.

NOTABLE PERSONALITIES
Bhaisaabs (The warrior class from West Delhi, Lucknow, Patna), The Dhinchaks (The musical warriors from West Delhi)

ECONOMY
The economy runs on money sent by parents, but sometime some real work happens here…

IMPORTS/EXPORTS
Advanced car speakers and stickers, cheap bike modifying technology and Contacts in ministries are the major exports. All objects of basic necessity are imported. DISCRIMINATIONLAND
(NORTH EASTERN STATES, PLUS GURKHALAND, JHARKHAND, SIKKIM AND BANGLADESH)
A coalition of states (mostly the ones east of Bihar … you know, those ones) Not much is known about the locals here (mostly because they don’t have anything there worth reporting) but you already about them right? All the things they do, with the dogs, and snakes, and uh … you know, all that sort of stuff.

TOURIST SPOTS
Well they don’t have anything to boast about, just the mountains and that fresh air, etc.

NOTABLE PERSONALITIES
Danny and the footballer..Mr.Bhatia (Can’t be Bhutia, that’s a spelling mistake).

ECONOMY
Nothing much, they keep dancing around fire all the time, wearing weird stuff.

IMPORTS/EXPORTS
Momos, Security Guards form the major exports. Imports include terrorists and maniacs from Insurgentia & Cheap Politicians (trained at New Delhi), BOLLYWOODLAND
Mostly a tax shelter for Hindi film makers, Bollywoodland has no Film Tax and no narcotics dept. The B’land population comprises of only extras, and all important offices are held by character actors with a few important lines and a decent death scene in their contracts. One of the major driving forces behind forming this state was to shut those people up once and for all who always complain that things aren’t the way they show them in movies – here the education system is made by Farah Khan, the housing is handled by Karan Johar and Police and Security is handled by Prabhudeva.

TOURIST SPOTS
The Great Vanity Van graveyard, Fake cities, towns, Devgan Action Academy, Saroj Institute of Thumka Research, Devanand’s Old Age Home, The Hall of Supporting Cast Whose Face You Remember But Have Completely Forgotten the Name.

NOTABLE PERSONALITIES:
This is THE BOLLYWOODLAND!

ECONOMY:
Movies, merchandising, music, piracy, advertising, Black money investment, film magazines.

IMPORTS/EXPORTS:
Camera tech, raw tapes, cosmetics, plain cloth etc. are imported. Other than entertaintment based content, Bollywoodland has witnessed a sudden growth in its narcotic exports. INSURGENTIA
A buffer state between some of our more hostile neighbours (as opposed to the less hostile ones). A place with absolutely no civilians whatsoever, giving the authorities full license to shoot anyone not in uniform, making their job much less time consuming. Economy is sustained by frequent hunting licenses given to tourists and proceeds from the videos licensed to ‘Funniest Cross-Border Terrorism Videos’

TOURIST SPOTS
Firing ranges, The great Jhopdi of the people, Kidnapland – Amusement park where you kidnap, torture, make demands, negotiate and encounter …all of it simulated real time.

NOTABLE PERSONALITIES
Mangal Singh, PhD, Jawahar University, Gareeb Khan(toggles between Insurgentia and Bollywoodland), Barundhati Roy (toggles between Velangana and Insurgentia), Medha Fatkar.

ECONOMY
Economy mostly runs on money donated by the generous locals, especially when an AK-47 is pointed to their head. Frequent kidnappings and Media interviews get supplementary income other than the regular donations sent in by maniac stars and writers.

IMPORTS/EXPORTS
Exports include Defective Flak Jackets, Used Bullets, Corpses, Gun-toting Maniacs, Terrorists and Bombs. Imports include Chinese weapons, fake money and other contraband items. ]]> http://randommagazine.in/2010/03/the-new-state-wishlist/feed/ 0 http://randommagazine.in/2009/12/a-random-guide-to-pm-candidates/ http://randommagazine.in/2009/12/a-random-guide-to-pm-candidates/#comments Wed, 30 Dec 2009 08:42:10 +0000 admin http://random.mediologysoftware.com/?p=65

Name: Raul Gandee
Age: 38
Party: Cawngress
Constituency: A Crib
Quote: “If Mama wants it, then I am ready for it.”
Pros: Schools across the country will have pasta and spaghetti in their mid-day meals Closer relation with Bangladesh, since Sheikh Hasina is indebted to his Grandmother
Cons: Chetan Bhagat impersonators might increase Divorce rates will reach an all-time high with more and more women losing the ‘custody battle’ over their husband                                                       to their mother-in-laws

Name: Maayawatee
Age: Puchho hi mat
Party: Haathi Mere Saathi Parthy
Constituency: A Houdah
Quote: ‘Haathi chalte jayenge, hum janamdin manate rahenge.’
Pros: Elephant will replace the Tiger as the National Animal Birthday parties of ministers will be funded by the government and national holidays be declared on those days
Cons: Idolatry will be promoted and parks will have more statues than swings and slides
All government vehicles will be replaced by elephants

Name: Pervez Musharraf
Age: 65
Party: Back to India Party
Constituency: Daryaganj
Quote: “…O Hindustaaan ki awaaam ko ab zroorat hai ek naye leader ki, ek naye hukoomat ki, ek pukistaani ki”
Pros: Already knows intimate details about the Indian establishment Was born in India, which is more than we can say for some of the other candidates…
Already not popular in Pakistan (required for any Indian Head-of-State)                                                                             Cons: Has already failed to reach Delhi once… Every political failure would be                                                                     attributed to him being a … Pakistani

Name: Jaspal Bhattti
Age: Old Enough to Hit on College Professors like a Decent Man
Party: Recession Party
Constituency: Chandigarh
Quote: “I draw inspiration from Cartoons and Politicians, the both are so much alike”
Pros: Would be the first PM who’ll make the people laugh … on purpose
Already has the perfect cabinet (his comedy troupe) and vice PM (Mrs Bhatti)                                                                       Cons: No one would take his ideas for improving the country seriously                                                                                             People would start thinking Sardar jokes were political humor

Name: Varoon Gandhee
Age: Late-twenties
Party: The Brat Pack
Constituency: The Funny Farm
Quote: “Jo bhi Phoolon ko todega, Varun Gandhi uska haath kaat dalega! Bolo ‘DON’T PICK THE FLOWERS!”
Pros: Fancy, flowery words will be developed for anything related to the genre of ‘violence’. E.g: “Ye panja nahi, kamal ka haath hai,” So next time don’t be surprised when someone says, “To is ‘pushp ka ghat’ anubhav karke, aapko kaisa lag raha hai?” after slapping you hard
Cons: Burly brats will be encouraged to publish collected poems with redundant titles, viz. The Selflessness of Others
All important decisions will be taken after consulting with his 7-yr old cousin

Name: LK Advaani
Age: Fits comfortably in the ‘Senior Citizen’ category
Party: RSS (Retired Sindh Samiti)
Constituency: Anonymous old-age home
Quote: “A bundle of untruths”
Pros: Blogging, social networking and net surfing will become all the rage among octogenarians
They’ll remove all those billboards of his face from everywhere
Cons: Retiring age for government officials will be 80+ instead of 58
Certain parts of his screeches speeches can only be heard by Dogs and Bats

Name: Lalu P. Yadav
Age: Bhak, budbak
Party: CCD (Cattle Caring Dal)
Constituency: A Tabela
Quote: Agar gai ka thikan duha nahi jaaye, to uu bimar pad jaat
Pros: Every citizen will be given mandatory training in milking the cow to brighten India’s prospects in the dairy industry
The gardens around India Gate would be used as grazing grounds, leading to a second white revolution
Cons: Family Planning Commission will be restructured to introduce amendments in the existing policies
Shekhar Suman will start doing his Laloo jokes again and become popular

Name: Balika Badhu (Aanandi)
Age: Like 8 or something
Party: Illegal, Immoral Yet Profitable to Televise Party (IYPTP)
Constituency: 36-72 Urban and Suburban Females in North India
Quote: “Jhooth bolna paap hota hai, Dadisa”
Pros: Would finally put its popularity to some good use
Would give bitter, old, orthodox people a role-model
Cons: Would be everywhere on the TV for five more years
Would make it seem that child marriage is cool as long as it’s done to cute chubby kids

Item Code: 143CPIM Block-heads: Blinded by god-knows-what, which makes them easily prone to be steered as per your preference. Their lack of common sense and thinking power make them extremely user-friendly. The product comes with a unique feature – it gets activated automatically at the sight of things like candy floss, Archies galleries, heart-shaped balloons, or anything ‘alien to Indian culture’. Specially designed for rallies, protest, loot, assault, arson etc.
*Comes with an assorted weapon-set.

Item Code: %#!SSMMS Wheel-a-deal: Yes, the right one that is economical and at the same time durable. Basically meant for use-and-throw purpose, this product is known for it’s affinity with anyone who is famous and newsworthy. Hopping around with its hefty frame, this model can be spotted in many parties at the same time! It comes with no sense of morality, propriety or ideology and is ideally suited for striking deals.
*Comes with a free horse-trading game set.

Item Code: Pah-Ti-Hoppa123 Mr. NiceGuy: Ever-friendly and always polite, this fine model is best suited for functions that involve interpersonal communication and smiling for cameras. This fine piece is easily programmable into many unique modes such as – Pleasant Speech, Welcoming Diplomat, Picture-Perfect Smile, and many more! Model comes with Feel-Good Factor™ pre-installed.
Warning: Model for Display only; is practically incapable of being productive.
*Comes with changeable dhoti-kurta/safari suit/Nehru jacket with rose

Item Code: 221MANU Hot Whales: This fine young specimen is full of Spit and Fire – and ready to take on any one! This model comes equipped with enough Steam and Rage to last almost two terms, after which the momentum gained can be used to coast through another couple of terms. Easily programmable ideology, as its talk is difficult to understand anyway because of the constant shouting.
*Comes with megaphone and microphone.

Item Code: HATH111 Fameskool: Ever wonder what happened to your favorite childhood Movie Star? Or that Sportsperson you really loved? What ever happened to them? Well they’re Here! That’s right, Now your favorite stars are yours to own and keep!
What are their stances? Their ideologies? Political Party? Who cares! They’re famous! That’s all that matters!
*Comes with DVD sets of their movies/memorable performances.

Item Code: CELEBZZYAY!!! ]]> http://randommagazine.in/2009/11/hello-world-2/feed/ 1