Random » CURRENT AFFAIRS

BELIEVE IT OR ELSE…

admin — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 09:49:31 +0000



Ranjit holds the record for having the largest number of torn sarees….He has 5463.75 sarees!		Potatoes were brought to the Indian subcontinent by the British … It is not known what Indians ate before that.


The 11 secs old baby boy of Mr. and Mrs. Khurana was the youngest living person on 18th Nov. 2008, at 12:30p.m.		It takes 50 gms of sugar, 200 ml of milk, 30 ml ice (crushed), 5 gms crushed almonds,5 ml cream, 10 gms salt petre,and 5 pellets of lead shot and 300 kilowatts to make one glass of Colonel’s Special Purani Delhi Cold Coffee.
True facts about Col. Chikara: Col. Chikara can slam a revolving door.

RANDOM CELEBRITY – FREEDA PINTO

admin — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 07:44:16 +0000


RANDOM CELEBRITY

FROM OUR ARCHIVES…

admin — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 07:15:00 +0000

Random has been around for way longer than you think. Throughout history Random has been there to make fun of famous people and events…and being banned for doing so. Thankfully, we have managed to complete one year in our current avatar. And so we bring to you some stuff…


AKHET ISSUE, 34 BC (EGYPTIAN EDITION)

RAMZAN ISSUE, 1576 A.D.
THE NAV-ROTTENS!		Raja Maan Sing - Everybody knows why he’s there. Even the Emperor has been known to tell him from time to time ‘Maan Sing, agar tum meri biwi ke bhai na hote to ek mamooli sipahi hote!’
	Abul Fazul – Spends most of his time doing what he likes to call recording history. A royal ass-kissing is what we call it. And his prose is boring as hell!	Abdurraheem Khanakhana – We won’t waste any space on him because he doesn’t even write in Persian! Humph!
	Faizee - If there is one thing that compares to Mr. Fazul’s prose, it is his brother Faizee’s poetry. Whoever made him poet laureate doesn’t know the difference between poetry and pottery.	Faqir Aziaoo Deen – Anybody who calls himself a faqir should not be living in a fu**ing palace! End of Discussion.
	Miyaan Tansane – More like Insane! His music is terribly overrated. Last heard, there are no cats in the palace because he scared them off with his godawful screeching. Tip from us – Baiju is way better.	Mullah Do Pyaza - e’s named after a cheap mutton dish for God’s sake! Who will ever take him seriously?
	Raja Toader Mal - This money-grubbing fat bastard is a stooge of Sher Shah Suri and therefore automatically untrustworthy. He is only allowed to hang out in the palace because he can cook the books really well.	And last but not the least, Beerbal – This so called humorist isn’t even funny. I mean what was so great about that stupid khichdi joke? His setups are as elaborate as Joda’s costumes and punchlines are weaker than Sher Shah Suri’s third wife after the delivery of their fifteenth child.


WHAT IS HUGE, VIOLENT, LIKES TO EAT HUMAN MEAT AND GOES ROUND AND ROUND? A Rakshas on a merry-go-round. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN VALMIKI AND VED VYASA? One used to take other people’s money, the other used to take other people’s wives. DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE HALF-GOLDEN MONGOOSE AT THE RAJASUYA YAJNA? Neither did I. The fun part of the Mahabharat was already over. WHAT DID THE GANDHARVA SAY ABOUT HUMANS? Humans, I love them. They get older, I remain the same. WHY DON’T YAKSHAS MAKE GOOD SOLDIERS? Because they ask too many questions. WHAT DID INDRA SAY TO THE APSARA THAT MADE HER BLUSH? If you break Vishwamitra’s penance, I’ll let you play with my Vajra.

BELIEVE IT OR ELSE…

admin — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 12:29:00 +0000


	Every Random writerhad the privilege of receiving gold chainsfrom the legend BappiLahri, as a token of love and respect.
	One of the Random writers is a part-timegardener, who is alsoa supplier of “Bougainvillea” to thePrime Minister of India
	One of the designersof Random is a half-animal that eats cottage cheese in thenight to boost his mental strength.
	Random Editorial team are all ‘grass’ eaters for a noble cause.
Random made its first movie appearance in the film Godfather IV
	Do you know that Random is ONLY ONE YEAR OLD?
True facts about Col. Chikara: Col. Chikara can divide by zero.

BELIEVE IT OR ELSE…

admin — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 05:12:28 +0000



Jatinder Bhatt, 34, an Autorickshaw driver from Patparganj, New Delhi, always runs his meter without asking when taking fares – and it isn’t tampered with or ‘fixed’ in any way!


Did you know that, during a concert in Dubai, the name of the band AC/DC was spelled CD\CA?		It is indistinguishable to the nakedeye, but in the song “Oye Oye…”from the film Tridev, it is possibleto see Naseeruddin Shah cry as hesells the first little bit of his soul.
True facts about Col. Chikara: There is no theory of evolution.Just a list of creatures Col. Chikara has allowed to live.

RANDOM BOOK REVIEW

admin — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 05:06:22 +0000


IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR WHEN EVERYBODY IS TALKING ABOUT BOOKS. ARVIND ADIGA WON A BOOKER FOR WRITING ABOUT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR AND SWAMI SATPAL JI ANANDJI MAHARAJ PUBLISHED HIS 4558TH PIECE OF SHIT ON THE PALI MASTERPIECE ‘UPSIDE DOWN YOGA.’ SINCE WE KNOW BOOKS ARE THINGS YOU NEVER READ , WE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A SNAPSHOT OF ALL THE THINGS YOU’VE MISSED BY REVIEWING SOME OF THE CLASSICS PUBLISHED DOWN THE AGES.

THE KAMASUTRA This is the book you have always been waiting for. There are so many interesting chapters that you will want to read this book even after you go to sleep. The book was authored by an oversexed crow named vatsyayan. It is filled with great gymnastic acts like jumping on ( and humping) your partner from the ceiling, dancing like govinda in front of your wife, spinning like a top on top of her, holding an oil lamp in one hand while making love , grunting like a boar and many other such secrets that will put a chimpanzee to shame. The book opens with a beautifully worded dedication. ‘Dedicated to the small portion of the british public who takes an enlightened interest in studying the gentle manners of the olden east. Enlightened interest of the gentle manners? My arse! But vatsyayan got so excited by this time that he went straight to sex. In the first chapter on “mouth congress” he describes how you should make love. ‘A man should slowly touch each of the woman’s toes with his ears and press a finger of her hand between his toes. He should then take her to a lonely spot and—- hang on to the edge of your seat the best bit is coming—– he should sprinkle upon her the water he has rinsed in his mouth! He should take her to a pillar and stand on her like a quadruped – he should then proceed to excite her with bulbs, roots, peacock feathers, ginger and anything else he can find in reliance fresh, kalkaji EDITOR’S WARNING: Please don’t try such acrobatics at home. This is only a book review. Part time lovers wouldn’t want to miss the recipes at the end of this book to enhance the size of the lingam. “When a man wishes to enlarge his lingam he should do so by rubbing it with the butter of the she buffalo, or the excreta of the owl or the sweat of the testicle of the white horse.” don’t ask us where you can get all of these but we now know now why there is a shortage of white horses in india! AVAILABILITY: The piccadilly book shop in cp. But don’t rush just now, the shop opens only at 9 tomorrow morning. While you are there check out the latest version. Kamasutra for cows! THE ONE MINUTE MANAGER We promise 2 keep this review really short – shorter than the book which was written in 33 seconds and can be read in 14 . Anyway , the review. Question: what is the difference between this book and a bucket of crap? Answer: the bucket! AVAILABILITY : Airline toilets, five star toilets and any other toilet, when you can have a whale of time by tearing off wads and wads of toilet paper , absolutely free! Happy reading! Mera bharat mahan ! Jai hind! 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY DEFECTIVE PEOPLE This book is written by a silly cow called stephen covey. It is a good book to keep on your bookshelf mainly because the cover is made of asbestos and doesn’t need too much dusting. Covey first wrote the book forwards, but nobody understood a word, so he wrote it backwards and the book sold 15 million copies in 38 languages!. Covey fills with book with what he calls “focusing.” E.g. If you have spent the last 30 minutes reading this random book review , then you definitely have the intelligence of mutton! And need to refocus your head, soul and just about every other part of yourself. Other tips covey gives are: Don’t run out of your Bathroom in your skin! The Lizards are watching and They tell very good bedtime Stories! Don’t spit blood red gutka On neighbors’ shirts, insteadDo consider spitting on new Vehicles and freshly painted Buildings. He also recommendsLetting streams loose from Moving cars.		YANTRA TANTRA AND MANTRA , BY DR L. CHAUDHURI This book is written by a highly disqualified doctor called chaudhuri who has an experience of 99 years in astrology, history , palmistry, a b c and l m n o p . The book is filled with yantras (checkerboard diagrams) that you can use to solve highly knotty problems and as cut outs for playing ludo! For eg. If you are going blind looking at the monitor for jobs on naukri.com, dr chaudhuri suggests that you get up at 3.21 am and do pooja facing mercury in the sky. EDITOR’S NOTE: If you can find out where mercury is at 3. 21 am, you should definitely be working for nasa and not reading random magazine. There are plenty of never before tried solutions to really unique situations. E.g. You have spent half your working day spinning around delhi’s roundabouts, trying to figure out which radial akbar road is , there are yantras to guide you in the right direction. If your sexual stamina is that of a jelly fish (and we know it is!) you need to follow the advice on page 157. I.e. Increase sexual strength by chasing a bear , procuring its private parts and rubbing it on yours. (after making a paste of it.) we are not sure this works – but we are sure of the following Bears are very good humpers – so may the Good lord bless ye gentleman, for you will Sure have to run faaaaast! You will definitely audition for the next Natgeo serial called ‘getting intimate With baloo!’Back to dr chaudhuri .On page 157 there are suggestions for controlling another persons life and wealth.“ a crow’s nest is to be burnt and the ash purified 21 times by repeating the om sharee sharee swaha mantra 10000 times. Then throw the ash on the head of the person you wish to control. He will be afflicted.’Our editor actually tried this on his neighbor, who came out 3 seconds later with a baseball bat and said “ b— chod, sa— ley, ku—hey, ——- > he said a few more choice things as well but our editor didn’t hear them because by this time he was fleeing faster than an african gazelle pursued by a hungry cheetah. AVAILABILITY All sab ka bazaar outlets . Buy two and get one mantra, tantra yantra free! MIDNIGHT’S CHILDREN Here are a few things you should know about this book. This is the book the cat brought in. Since cats aren’t very intelligent we decided to review it. We strongly recommend it as bathroom material, since you can flush it after reading the first line! The book has 552 pages making it the ideal choice for playing book cricket. The best page is 552- only because its the last page and boy are you glad the torture is over! The main character- shaktiman- was born on 15 aug 1947 , after that, this book like the rest of india is one big chaos You will become a papaya before you get to page 2 . Here is an extract from page 1 to make you see what we mean. ‘Thanks to the occult tyrannies of these blandly saluting clocks , i had been indissolubly chained , had become embroiled , a dangerous sort of involvement , i couldn’t even wipe my nose.’ samjhe? Kuch tho samjhe? No? See what we mean by papaya? - Our book reviewing editor actually got past page 1 . Ever since he has been responding by singing allah ke bande in response even to normal questions like how are you? And of course if you still insist on reading the rest of the book all we can say is bwhaha ha !( which in bantu dialect is go ^%&^&^&!) AVAILABILITY:* We don’t know, because we never read the book.

RANDOM CELEBRITY – SHOBHAA DÉ

admin — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 04:52:47 +0000


RANDOM CELEBRITY

BELIEVE IT OR ELSE…

admin — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 12:10:24 +0000



Did you know that there’s a Lady who’S sure, all that glitters is gold, and she’s bu-uy-ing a Stai-air-way to Hea-e-ven?		Do you know that only idiots believe everything they read in magazines?
Did you know that there is more Nepali Cannabis in India than in Nepal?
True facts about Col. Chikara: Col. Chikara doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

RANDOM CELEBRITY – SHA RUK KHAN

admin — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 08:42:18 +0000

RANDOM CELEBRITY

JOBS THAT WILL GUARANTEE NO LAY-OFFS DURING THESE RECESSSION TIMES

admin — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 08:05:38 +0000

JOBS THAT WILL GUARANTEE NO LAY-OFFS DURING THESE RECESSSION TIMES