Name: Raul Gandee
Age: 38
Party: Cawngress
Constituency: A Crib
Quote: “If Mama wants it, then I am ready for it.”
Pros: Schools across the country will have pasta and spaghetti in their mid-day meals Closer relation with Bangladesh, since Sheikh Hasina is indebted to his Grandmother
Cons: Chetan Bhagat impersonators might increase Divorce rates will reach an all-time high with more and more women losing the ‘custody battle’ over their husband                                                       to their mother-in-laws

Name: Maayawatee
Age: Puchho hi mat
Party: Haathi Mere Saathi Parthy
Constituency: A Houdah
Quote: ‘Haathi chalte jayenge, hum janamdin manate rahenge.’
Pros: Elephant will replace the Tiger as the National Animal Birthday parties of ministers will be funded by the government and national holidays be declared on those days
Cons: Idolatry will be promoted and parks will have more statues than swings and slides
All government vehicles will be replaced by elephants

Name: Pervez Musharraf
Age: 65
Party: Back to India Party
Constituency: Daryaganj
Quote: “…O Hindustaaan ki awaaam ko ab zroorat hai ek naye leader ki, ek naye hukoomat ki, ek pukistaani ki”
Pros: Already knows intimate details about the Indian establishment Was born in India, which is more than we can say for some of the other candidates…
Already not popular in Pakistan (required for any Indian Head-of-State)                                                                             Cons: Has already failed to reach Delhi once… Every political failure would be                                                                     attributed to him being a … Pakistani

Name: Jaspal Bhattti
Age: Old Enough to Hit on College Professors like a Decent Man
Party: Recession Party
Constituency: Chandigarh
Quote: “I draw inspiration from Cartoons and Politicians, the both are so much alike”
Pros: Would be the first PM who’ll make the people laugh … on purpose
Already has the perfect cabinet (his comedy troupe) and vice PM (Mrs Bhatti)                                                                       Cons: No one would take his ideas for improving the country seriously                                                                                             People would start thinking Sardar jokes were political humor

Name: Varoon Gandhee
Age: Late-twenties
Party: The Brat Pack
Constituency: The Funny Farm
Quote: “Jo bhi Phoolon ko todega, Varun Gandhi uska haath kaat dalega! Bolo ‘DON’T PICK THE FLOWERS!”
Pros: Fancy, flowery words will be developed for anything related to the genre of ‘violence’. E.g: “Ye panja nahi, kamal ka haath hai,” So next time don’t be surprised when someone says, “To is ‘pushp ka ghat’ anubhav karke, aapko kaisa lag raha hai?” after slapping you hard
Cons: Burly brats will be encouraged to publish collected poems with redundant titles, viz. The Selflessness of Others
All important decisions will be taken after consulting with his 7-yr old cousin

Name: LK Advaani
Age: Fits comfortably in the ‘Senior Citizen’ category
Party: RSS (Retired Sindh Samiti)
Constituency: Anonymous old-age home
Quote: “A bundle of untruths”
Pros: Blogging, social networking and net surfing will become all the rage among octogenarians
They’ll remove all those billboards of his face from everywhere
Cons: Retiring age for government officials will be 80+ instead of 58
Certain parts of his screeches speeches can only be heard by Dogs and Bats

Name: Lalu P. Yadav
Age: Bhak, budbak
Party: CCD (Cattle Caring Dal)
Constituency: A Tabela
Quote: Agar gai ka thikan duha nahi jaaye, to uu bimar pad jaat
Pros: Every citizen will be given mandatory training in milking the cow to brighten India’s prospects in the dairy industry
The gardens around India Gate would be used as grazing grounds, leading to a second white revolution
Cons: Family Planning Commission will be restructured to introduce amendments in the existing policies
Shekhar Suman will start doing his Laloo jokes again and become popular

Name: Balika Badhu (Aanandi)
Age: Like 8 or something
Party: Illegal, Immoral Yet Profitable to Televise Party (IYPTP)
Constituency: 36-72 Urban and Suburban Females in North India
Quote: “Jhooth bolna paap hota hai, Dadisa”
Pros: Would finally put its popularity to some good use
Would give bitter, old, orthodox people a role-model
Cons: Would be everywhere on the TV for five more years
Would make it seem that child marriage is cool as long as it’s done to cute chubby kids

Popularity: 19% [?]